Vipassana, My Journey Has Begun!!

Life

The Journey!!!

Meditation, I meditate, Close Your Eyes and Focus!!!!!!!!

I had heard these words time and again. Always left me wondering how did they do it, how can someone sit for so long just breathing??

Vipassana, another word I had heard a hundred times, but not even out of curiosity had I tried to google it!!!

Again I heard it in our annual FPR meet from Gautam, his experience and how it has been helping him.

I returned home after a wonderful get together and decided to look up Vipassana, and all that went through my head was NO WAY.

As I read the Code Of Discipline

Maun Vrat!! No Talking for 10 Days : WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Meal is One cup Tea and a little Kurmura at 5 pm.: WHAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cannot leave the Shivir unless it is an absolute emergency: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 Hours of Meditation, Cross Legged on the Floor WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT !!!!!!!!!!!!

But inspite of all the “WHATS”, I went ahead and filled in the online form, the dates also were appropriate, since it fell exactly during my Diwali holidays.

I then forgot all about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 8^th, at a point when I felt I would like the earth to open and swallow me, I get the confirmation letter from Igatpuri for the 10 day shivir, between 21^st of Oct – 2^nd Nov 08.

I starred the mail, but did not even try to read it.

But I did start talking to people who have attended it, and even though I got good feed backs, there was also many who told me they found it extremely difficult and had returned home after 2 or 3 days.

I opened the mail and went through it carefully. I knew it was difficult; one of the biggest fear was of the Self Discipline that one had to follow once we entered the programme.

But my determination grew as the days went by. It was more like “I will at least loose some weight if not anything else”.

But as the day neared, my apprehension grew in leaps and bounds, but some advice from a good friend, “Go without expectations, from yourself and from the programme, go without fear” put me back on track.

To add to all this there was rioting and rasta roko etc a day before I had to leave for Igatpuri. But I was more determined than ever to go at any cost.

Igatpuri:

I had already spoken to a couple of other participants and therefore did not feel all that alone.

21^st dawned, I felt a tingle of excitement, I knew something awaited me.

I met many others all traveling towards Kasara. Fortunately we found a lady who had already done this around 7 times, the journey was spent asking her questions, telling her our fears etc. She simply smiled and said experience it by yourself!!!!

After a 20 min taxi drive, we got our first glimpse of the beautiful shining Pagoda, rising majestically from behind the tall trees.

As we stepped into Dammagiri, the beauty of the place enveloped me. Tall trees, flowers, greenery and the western ghats rising high on all sides. The breeze gave one the  feeling of being somewhere high in the Himalayas. But what really hits you is the Peaceful Quietness of the place.

We were just in time for lunch, and then the formalities of filling up forms, allotment of rooms etc,

Pulling my suitcase behind me,

I set foot inside the Tapovan,

AND THAT IS WHEN I KNEW!!!! I KNEW I HAD REACHED MY DESTINATION!! I HAD REACHED THE PLACE I HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR, FOR A LONG TIME!!!

BUT THE JOURNEY HAD JUST BEGUN!!!!

The First evening we are given all the rules and regulations that have to be followed in all strictness. .

Let me briefly explain.

Once we have filled in the forms, we are asked whether will be able to go through the entire 10 days without talking to a soul. (Except the teachers)

Breakfast, Lunch and Tea Only

No reading, writing, listening to music.

We cannot possess any money or valuables; everything has to be deposited at the counter.

We do not look at each other, or have any physical contact with anyone.

No talking even in signs either.

The rooms are neat, with an attached bath, hot water from 4 in the morning.

Around 8 p.m. for the first time we enter the Silent Chamber of the Pagoda, A feeling I cannot express in words, the Silence, the Strange feeling one gets is amazing.

We are allotted a cushion, on to which we attach our name tags. ( We can be tracked if we decided to sleep in a little longer or decide to time pass in our rooms)

Guruji’s voice which at first is a little strange, nasal takes us through what we are here for and what we will be doing for the next 10 days.

Then in the Beautiful Ancient Language of Pali,

We take the Maun Vrat, and The Solemn Promise to follow the rules laid down.

THE BELL

The bell, ah the Bell, it sets the Routine we follow for the next 10 days.

It Rings At:

4 a.m.: Wakey Wakey

4.30 a.m.: Time for Meditation

6.30 a.m.: Oh Yes Breakfast Time

8 a.m.: Meditation

11 a.m.: Ruuuuuuuun for LUNCH

1 p.m.: Meditation Again

5 p.m.: Ting Tong Tea Time

9 p.m. : Sleepy Sleepy

The MEDITATION:

The first 3 days is the AnaPana.

We just watch our breathing, this is to try and focus our mind.

I soon found out I had the concentration of hmmmm errrr. Exactly 3 seconds before my mind decided it had better things to do and it used to take of off in every direction possible.

It WAS DIFFICULT TO FOCUS.

But by the end of 2 days I was managing around 2 mins..

Time and again I wondered how is watching my breathing going to help me in any way??

On the Fourth Day we are initiated into VIPASSANA

I cannot actually write what we were taught, But I can tell you it was extremely confusing, It does not sink in. and I had  more questions.

As I began to focus more, everything made more sense.

That is till the 6^th Day when we are told we have to sit for ONE hour without moving.

WHAT!!!!!

The first one hour was actually easy. I kind of took of in another direction, allowed my mind to float away. Ahh but that is not the way, cannot allow the Mind to take control, we have to control it.

The Second One Hour, after half an hour (well that is what I thought) every nerve below my waist was screaming, my butt had gone numb, my thighs, my legs, and even the tips of my toes were on fire. But I was determined, I meditated as I was taught, to focus on the pain, Focus Focus Focus.

I was almost in tears at the end of the Hour. But it was wonderful.

Although it was tough, it was not difficult to go through the One Hour Still Sessions. In fact that is when I found answers, found questions, found what I had come here for. I WAS UNLEARNING WHAT I HAD LEARNED FOR LAST 40 ODD YEARS.

The Deep Silence of the Place, The Vibrations within the chamber, The Sathvik Food, My Own Silence, The Emptiness in my Heart (No emotions, no fear, no anger, no happiness, no jealousy, no pain) seemed to form a kind of Vacuum around me.

The days seemed to fly past, It was already the 8^th day.

We are givin individual CELLS to meditate.

I am not a big fan of small-enclosed spaces. I was assured that if I did not find it comfortable I don’t have to use it.

I entered the tiny room, deep below the Pagoda 4 by 4 and a height of around 7 feet I think. No windows and a small bulb.

It was cool, the silence vibrated. I sank on the cushion, and did not want to leave. I felt one with myself. I listened to myself. I cried.

The routine continued. We meditated, we ate, we slept. We learnt!!!! But still each day was different.

We reached the 10^th day, the day we break our Vow of silence.

Around 11 a.m. we finally walked out of the Pagoda, the silence was already broken even before we had taken two steps from the Silent Zone. All of us were strangers but everyone was talking to anyone. I moved to my room not wanting to break the vacuum around me. Wanted to hold on for some more time.

I slowly made my way to pick up my valuables and Mobile (had thought I cannot live without it)  called deepu , felt tears flow as I heard her voice.

I had made it through.

Maun, the Food, the Meditation .. what had I been apprehensive about I wondered??

This was THE BEST DIWALI celebration.

I WAS ALL SET TO RETURN.

After the final session of discourse by Guruji on the 11^th day morning, a breakfast of Vadapav, kheer and Boondi awaited us.

I had made a lot of friends, and we chatted away as we ate, and got ready to return to Mumbai.

We all felt a sense of sadness. But then we remembered what we had learnt, Everything is Anitya, everything that starts has to end.

Each of us had a different reason for coming to Dammagiri, We had lived the life of a Sanyasin for 10days, but we were returning with lessons that will help us to live as a family person. To be a better human, to follow Damma, to follow dharma.

As the train chugged past Kalyan, we realized we were back, back to the noise, the dirt, life.

How we are going to use what we had learnt in the atmosphere of Dammagiri will run its True Test in the hustle bustle of Mumbai.

A Few Important Points I would like to share:

Vipassana is not religious, it does not involve chanting or focusing on any object for meditation. It involves once own self. Looking within, learning to Die peacefully by living in peace, to follow the path of Dharma, dharma not as a religion. Dharma as one with nature. To look into ‘ME’ to eliminate the ‘I’.

Vipassana may not be easy for everyone, for some reason, I did not find it difficult. But it is something I would like each one of you to experience.

Be Happy,

Some Interesting Things

On the 3^rd while I watched my breathing, my mind as usual went off,, and then I was seeing Modaks, hehehehe, actually just before leaving I had been to Meenus place and she had made modaks which we had planned to eat but had forgotten.

Right in the middle of Meditation the olfactory senses get a real workout, as the post lunch session can be real problematic if we had been served rajama, or anything else gassy. Hehehehehehe.

It used to really funny when a lady saadak is passing by, the guys have to bend their heads or look away and have to maintain a distance of at least 3 or 4 feet.  There were several teenagers (some had come for the course as it is part of the MBA curriculum) who used to walk really slowly just to tease the guys.

I had a room partner ( I was really put to test I think) who was determined to talk, she did not want to keep the vrat, I used to turn away if she spoke and by the 3^rd day she got the hint. She used to talk in her sleep though. She also had several bags of goodies which she used to eat after I left for meditation. ( she confessed after I broke my silence)

She also was given a seat right next to me, and after 5 mins for meditation she used to play with her anklets and glass bangles.

But then I passed the test I think.

Sorry for keeping you all waiting for so long.